[Possible triggers + pictures]

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Though it was in my space … placed purposely and apparently forgotten, balancing on my glasses case (not by me), I did not expect it to be there. It wasn’t one I chose … therefore, the sense of control while in my possession was absent. I put my glasses elsewhere for the night and decided to deal with it this morning, knowing I would get to see two friends for breakfast … which made the moment of picking up the blade less triggering and more predictable.

Sometimes it’s the little accidental injuries that get me through … like scraping the skin off my knuckle when fighting with a stubborn door. Sometimes, it’s the annoying fact I have to use toilet paper because I don’t allow myself to buy bandaids or any other medical supplies for that matter.

Sometimes, it’s the friends who invite you along for breakfast. Sometimes, it’s the epic donuts that someone brings to work … so epic that I had 2. Sometimes, it’s the silly laughter of a coworker and the snarky commentary exchanged between us.

Sometimes, it’s the naughty antics of a pet …

Sometimes, it’s the cuddles from the more obedient one …

But today, in this moment, the stupid clumsy injury I have received … is satisfying the urge.

And thank God … the uninvited guest is gone … because I got to share breakfast with two adored people. That makes the loss worth it … whether it was invited or not.

And it makes me re-evaluate my self worth … and wish I never knew what it was like to purposely hurt myself.