Love is chit chatting over a favorite restaurant meal.
Love is agonizing over which scrabble word to play … when you have all vowels … and your partner waits patiently because it’s time well spent.
Love is sharing a bowl of jelly belly beans and picking the most awesome flavors (In my opinion, juicy pear and tutti fruiti.)
Love is trusting another person well enough to know they’ll be honest with you … even if it’s something you don’t want to hear. Love is also respecting the person in return to ask how they are processing that information.
Love is being quiet. Love is time.
Love is taking time to watch a movie.
Love is changing your mind to instead sit on the couch next to your friend and elbow them during the funny parts of said movie.
Love isn’t about gift giving, but the thought behind the gift … like a giant bottle of fish oil capsules given to coat the neurotransmitters in the brain in hopes that maybe I won’t feel as sad and can concentrate a little easier.
Love isn’t about giving a hoodie … but man, do I like when I get one. (Let’s be honest.) It’s like a hug all the time because it smells familiar.
I have been in a state of isolation the last week, aside from my time at work. It has pained me and scared me because the longer I go without a hug or a smile or a chat from a friend, I grow uncomfortably comfortable. The thoughts brew. I believe lies. I stare at my broken razor. I sleep. I sit in the dark. I eat junk food out of boredom and depression. I don’t eat. I don’t go out of the house. Life becomes a waste.
… It broke today. I made myself do errands. I spent time with a friend … much needed time, as documented above.
Tomorrow, I have a dentist appointment to get a cavity fixed. It will get me out of the house. Maybe I will end up at church after. Maybe I will go home with intent to isolate … or maybe just to rest or study. Maybe …
Maybe I can’t worry about every day and what failures or victories it may bring. Maybe that’s the most destructive behavior of them all, and the one I am most excellent at.
Can I just be?
I am home now. I am home now writing this … not hiding, but sharing … and letting myself be loved today.